Escapism

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What happens to people when the lights are turned down? When they get to hide behind a mask at a costume party? When they have the excuse of alcohol to defend their loss of inhibition?

In the dark, we all become braver. People forget who they are, where they are and the responsibilities they have. They are invisible. Better yet, they are someone else.

This past weekend, I thought I would experience the dark world of S&M. Not because I am interested in it, or because I am interested in people who are interested in it. But because the night was proposed to me and I thought it would be a fascinating experience. My friends and I dressed up in our most dangerous outfits. We were the vixens of the night. When I arrived at the underground cave in the dangerous part of London the event was hosted in, I realised, we were the only ones in costume. Everyone else had come as their truest self. After a drink my nerves began to calm and I looked around me to see people at their freest. People who could live out their fantasises and fetishes without judgement being cast upon them. Bankers who evidently felt most comfortable in a dress and heels, school teachers, in latex and chains.

The hard core sounds of electro music came up through the floors and released every inhibition anyone in that room could have possibly felt. People tripped out on drugs, music, sex, violence and the idea of doing it all in public. It was the epitome of escapism. And while it may not have been my thing, or something that I will ever return to, it was interesting to see the extremes people will go to when told that they are safe. That their secrets are safe, that their identities are protected.

We all have fetishes, things we feel and want, things we can’t live without. The question is, how far do you have to go to get them?

When, if ever, is it okay to cheat?

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Before I find myself on the receiving end of scoffs and eye-rolls, let me preface this entry by saying that I am a believer in monogamy and I choose to surround myself with honourable people. Of course, we have all heard stories or found ourselves in situations where we or the friends we respect are doing less than honourable things. Here I will outline a few scenarios where one might easily find themselves going against their morals. The question is, is it okay?

Scenario One: When you’ve gotten too comfortable:

Last week I wrote about comfort zones and how they can sometimes hold us back. While I would like to believe that a person tired of their current relationship and ready to move on with someone else, could do just that, it tends not to be that simple. Most of the time people want to believe that things in their relationship will change, so they hang on to it. Or they’re committed in other ways- children, house, lease, family, friends- the list goes on. Maybe the relationship is over, or maybe they just need to reignite their flame.

Scenario Two: Self-destructive behaviour:

I generally don’t buy it when I hear this one, but I suppose it is possible that some extreme type personalities like to challenge the limits of every good thing that comes their way, including the relationships that they find themselves in. They feel themselves growing closer to a person, get scared and then do the exact opposite of what one should do in that situation- they come close to ruining it. It’s as if by being with someone else they will know how they feel about their partner. Or that by knowing how their partner would react when they find out they were cheated on, makes it easier to move forward with the relationship.

Scenario Three: When someone unexpected walks into your life:

I would say that many of us have found ourselves in the situation where we are happily involved and then all of a sudden someone new comes into our life and we’re immediately drawn to them. Perhaps they remind us of something or someone we used to know and we can connect with them on a level we can’t with anyone else. Or maybe they ignite something inside of us that we cannot ignore, or maybe they’re just so different, it’s a little bit exciting. It can be tough when our world becomes derailed, but I believe that those who want to stay on track, will.

Scenario Four: The Ex-factor:

For many people, some of their greatest loves were experienced during high school, at a time when you probably thought you might be together forever. And sure enough, you still kinda are, because these people just keep popping up at every stage of your life. Whether you’re single or not, it almost doesn’t seem to matter when it comes to this particular ex, because your relationship isn’t real, it’s a shoulder to cry on. Trouble is, sometimes the strongest shoulders are attached to the arms of our best friend, and if you couple that with amazing sex, you’ve got yourself a tricky little affair.

So what do you think? Is it ever okay to cheat?

When White Lies Become Black Ones.

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We’re all victims of the little white lie. The tiny exaggeration that we believe will get us out of trouble. But often they get us into even more trouble. People who tell white lies justify them by saying they’re not liars. This makes it especially difficult when the little white lie, turns into a series of little white lies. When one finds themselves tied in such a web of falesies, that they don’t remember what they said and who they are counting on to keep up with their story.

I don’t write this post as someone above any of this. I tell white lies when I feel I need to. Often I have been told that there is no point. That white lies give more importance to an event then it deserves, which is true. I’ve also been told that I am going to get caught, or at the very least spend that time worrying about getting caught. So why do I keep telling them? Why do any of us?

In my effort to try to understand why people tell white lies I stumbled across this answer: ‘A white lie would cause only relatively minor discord if it were uncovered’. I find this interesting as again, this is what we white liars like to tell ourselves. Except the pettier the lie, the more embarrasing it is to get caught. For instance, if I didn’t feel like meeting a friend, I might tell them I’m not feeling well. But then if they later discover that I was out, they’re going to feel more offended knowing that I was sneaky about it, then they would have been had I been upfront.

The funniest part about white lies, is that their definition varies from person to person. What I consider a white lie, might be a black lie to someone else, and vice versa. In other words, a liar is a liar, so why should I trust that your lie was white?