Confessions of a Confidante

Life. Analysed.

Category: family

Confronting Rejection

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How does one prepare themselves mentally and emotionally to face all of the rejection that they’ll experience in their mid to late twenties? Unfortunately rejection is inevitable- at every stage of your life of course, but it seems even more so when you’re in your later twenties. You look behind you and see years of work, years of preparation and experience. You’re ready to put yourself out there and give it your best shot. You’ve got the degrees, you’ve done the internships, put in the hours, but when it comes time to apply for jobs it seems the answer is often no- if we even get a reply at all.

Similarly, people in their late twenties look behind them and see a string of relationships, some positive, some destructive, others fleeting and never properly defined. You’ve travelled, learnt and grown as a person; you think you know who you are and what you want. And again you put yourself out there, into the world of love, sex and temptation and the response you get isn’t always the one you wanted.

And that’s when you realize, that all that flattery, all that praise and encouragement you received from parents and teachers every day growing up- the reason for it all was to prepare you for a world that is often unfair. To ensure that you would continue believing in yourself and your potential even when the world seemed cruel.

Fathers call their daughters ‘princesses’ because in the microcosm that matters to them- family- that’s exactly who they are. But also because they have to, if they want to make sure that their daughters grow up believing that they deserve nothing less than a prince.

Teachers tell their young students that they have potential, because they want them to know that they could do anything. That there are always options for them. That they shouldn’t be discouraged if one thing doesn’t work out because there are so many others that could and will.

The world is full of love, but it is also full of rejection- even for those deemed ‘lucky’. And that rejection can start to eat you up and take a chip off your confidence. It can make you feel empty, ugly and incapable. But that’s when you have to remember all of the encouragement you were given. Remember that all of that confidence still exists inside of you. That’s when you have to pick yourself up, shake off any hard feelings and put yourself out there again. Because generally speaking, fearing the ‘no’ results in fewer ‘yeses’.


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Family vs. Fun

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We have all lived through an age and stage where the thought of spending New Years Eve with our parents made us cringe. Missing a Saturday  night meant a week of social catch up and two new friends to get acquainted with. The parents who cared had to shove their kids into the car kicking and screaming and drive them up north for a weekend of solitary family time, just to feel connected.

Most teenagers love the word ‘no’ and will try to always do the complete opposite of what their parents say. It’s like the more we rebel, the more we are ourselves. We are freedom chasers. And parents, adults, and conformity are the most obvious obstacles standing in our way.

But there is a turning point in most of our lives, when we find ourselves wanting to spend time with our parents. When Saturday is just another day of the week. When freedom can be chased in other ways. And when we learn that freedom in all its glory is also daunting and sometimes we need a break from it. Sometimes we just want to lie by our mothers’ side and be taken care of again.

Some people never go through this, they are confident enough in their friendships to not worry about missing a night out. They are secure enough in themselves to spend New Years Eve with their parents and not feel like a loser for it. But for most of us, this type of inner peace and self-confidence takes a lifetime to achieve. It’s not just about hanging out with your parents, it’s about doing what you want and not feeling that you have to explain that to anyone.

When, if ever, do you think this turning point happened for you?