Be Thankful for Your Experiences
by Tamara Jacobs
We all have regrets. We’ve all experienced pain we’d rather forget and have behaved in ways we’re not proud of. But having had these experiences isn’t such a bad thing – after all we wouldn’t be the people we are today without them. We all know this, yet somehow we still come down on ourselves, wishing we had the strength to react more maturely and be in better control of our emotions.
Here’s a little thought that might offer you some reassurance.
For starters, we are all people who make mistakes. We each have a set of resources that help us deal with tricky situations, most of which we learnt when we were young and have been using ever since. These resources might tell us to yell when we’re mad, cry when we’re jealous or run away when we’re not being heard. Recognising that these reactions aren’t ones you wish to exhaust any longer is a necessary step for change. But instead of looking back and feeling embarrassed or ashamed, just thank your resources for having helped you cope in difficult times and move on and get some new ones.
Relationships are tricky for this one. People who have been hurt or feel like they’ve failed, often look back and feel angry. They resent the person for having taken advantage or for having made them believe there was a future when there wasn’t. The smart ones get themselves out and keep busy until the past feels like a distant memory. Sure that’s one way to approach a break-up and maybe not even a bad one, but perhaps I can suggest another.
Try to remember that not everyone on earth was meant for everyone else. Relationships are beautiful things that allow us to, even for a brief moment in time, experience another person and enjoy their company in an intimate way. If in the end they weren’t for us, then that’s okay, we will find someone else who is. If instead of looking back and feeling anger, you look back and accept that while your love was strong, it had too many flaws to evolve any further, you might have an easier time moving forward.
I always say, relationships are like outfits, we’re just trying them on until we find one that fits perfectly. Even if a jacket looks great on the hanger it doesn’t mean it’s going to look great on you. In fact, it might look best on someone else. And that’s okay.