Turning Tables

by Tamara Jacobs


It is truly amazing how quickly the tables can turn in a relationship. How much power can shift, and roles become confused. Grown ups say that they don’t want to have to play games, but that is exactly what they always end up doing because, when vulnerable, we all want to come out on top. We want to be the challenge, the more sought after of the two. People aim for equality in relationships, but it appears that’s not the case during the chase.

So how does it happen? How do we go from being the desirable one, the one they’d be lucky to have, to being the one making all of the effort?

One possible answer is that we can’t get enough of the attention. It is most certainly true that distance makes the heart grow fonder and that people want what they think they can’t have. So it’s only normal that when we’re all cool and unavailable they are going to be jumping through hoops trying to get us to notice them. And once we recognize what they’re doing it’s hard not gloat in it all. Problem is, sometimes when we allow ourselves to stand in the spotlight for too long, they get tired of looking. Suddenly our biggest admirer appears indifferent, which in turn makes us the one suddenly jumping through hoops.

Another possibility is that we are looking for love, but have just had our guard up for so long, it seems like we’re unobtainable. Again, the initial intrigue is there for them. Our guard is up, making us seem uninterested and therefore more desirable, but as we start trusting them more, down comes our guard and the playing field levels. In fact, it might even tip slightly, as we, for the first time in a while, are starting to open up and show some love, which- given that we’re awesome- is probably more than most people are capable of giving.

In the end it feels like we’re playing a big game of snakes and ladders, where one second we’re climbing to the top and the next second we’re falling down. I am convinced that there is no way around this. Love is a dance after all. Sometimes we lead, sometimes we follow, sometimes we support and other times we’re supported. So try not to over-think it too much, just close your eyes and dance.