Frienemy?- The Best Friend vs. The Boyfriend

by Tamara Jacobs

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What do you do when you meet your best friend’s boyfriend (or girlfriend) and you really just don’t like them? This is an age-old question that always results in a ‘damed if you do, damned if you don’t’ situation. What I mean by that is, if you tell your friend that you don’t like who they’re dating, they’re going to be upset and probably not invite you to come around as much anymore. And if you don’t tell them, you’re going to find yourself being very fake and generally unimpressed with most of your days/nights out.

The worst bit of all of course, is that a natural wedge inevitably ends up coming between you and your friend. You want to respect their decisions and for them to value themselves the way that you value them. But when watching them date an asshole, you find yourself forgetting a lot of what you thought you had in common.

The friendships that form between a person’s best friend and their boyfriend (of girlfriend) can be a beautiful thing. There is a non-threatening safety there that can feel very comfortable. A knowing that you both love the same person in your own ways, and that a siblinghood can therefore grow between you. But both parties have to want it.

In my experience, I often find that the girls or guys dating my friends are initially reluctant to form this siblinghood. Maybe the girls feel I am a threat, and the guys, well who knows, maybe I’m just not their type. But they usually come around, when it’s clear to them that my intentions are pure and positive.

At the end of the day, it’s important to just be yourself and not make apologies for who you are. When people don’t embrace good people, it’s usually because their own insecurities or self-doubt are standing in the way. Don’t let that deflate your natural energy. Don’t try to be someone or something else. Even if you find your friend has changed for this person, it doesn’t mean that you have to. Be bold, be brave, just be.

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